Monthly Archives: September 2011
10 things I learnt from my parents about how to be great parents!
I am SO BLESSED to have such amazing parents! They are not perfect, no-one is. But they did everything they could to be the best parents possible for their 4 daughters (and many other adopted children that have been a part of our family over time). People often ask them how they got such amazing kids! I’m pretty sure it didn’t just happen, but it was the result of the kind of parents that they chose to be. This week I want to share with you some of the things I believe made them great parents while we were growing up (in random order).
1. Be Consistent
My parents were consistent in many areas but two areas I want to highlight are ‘life’ and ‘discipline’. By ‘life’ I mean they lived what they said. They lived with integrity. They lived what they believed. And in my parents case, they believe in God. They didn’t just talk about God but they lived it out. They were committed to go to church every Sunday (I could count on one hand the number of Sundays they missed in my lifetime), they loved God and loved people. They didn’t say one thing and then do another. When it came to discipline, they were both on the same page, one of them wasn’t weak and the other strong but they both disciplined us consistently in the way that they had decided together.
2. Don’t argue in front of your kids
When I was growing up I cannot remember my parents arguing. They did their best to keep their problems just that, ‘their’ problems. Kids don’t need to see parents yelling, blaming, angry and upset with each other, if they do, they will probably copy it.
3. Trust your kids
My parents didn’t always trust my friends or other people around me, and I could understand why, but they did trust ME to make my own decisions. They let me go to parties where they knew there would be alcohol and other things but they trusted that I would do the right thing. It can’t be easy as a parent to do this, especially if you have to watch your child make a bad decision and then live with the consequences but it is all a part of a person’s learning process. From what I have seen from friends of mine and other families, if parents always try to protect their kids by not letting them do anything or go anywhere, it often leads to rebellion.
4. Encourage your kids to follow their dreams
People often ask me “What do your parents think about you living in another country”, I always reply “My parents are my biggest supporters!” Not just in this, but in everything that I have wanted to do – get a job when I was 13, go on a missions trip when I was 15, go to Bible College when I was 18, live in Bali, marry an Indonesian! Don’t get me wrong, they give me their advice if they think it’s not the wisest thing for me to do, but if after I’ve considered their advice and then still want to do it, they support me completely. I feel like I can do anything because my parents believe in ME!
5. Be Generous
My parents are the most generous people I know and I want to be just like them. They never hesitate to take people into their home if needed, they bought my friend glasses one time because he couldn’t afford it, my dad randomly pays for the person’s groceries behind him in the supermarket line, my mum gives her time to listen to people and love on them. They’re not rich, but what they do have, they happily give away.
6. Don’t give your kids everything on a silver platter
We weren’t spoilt kids. We had what we needed, but not much more than that. When I turned 13 and started wanting to be ’cool’ (and at that time that meant owning surf brand clothes) there is no way that my mum was going to fork out the money for that. But what she did do was encourage me to get a job, save my money, and buy it myself. And that’s exactly what I did. It taught me to appreciate what I had so much more because I was the one paying for it.
7. Love each other
I never doubted that my parents loved each other. They told each other regularly in front of us. They held hands. They hugged and kissed (ewww). Dad did the washing. Mum made his favourite desserts. It made me feel safe, secure and trust them even more.
8. Always care, even if your kids don’t
When I came home from school each day mum would ask “How was your day?” My answer “Good”. And then I would go to my room. And I never gave her any more information. But mum never stopped asking. My parents always cared about me, my day, my friends, all the little things as well as the big. They were interested in ME. I never had to question if I was valued or loved.
9. Always make time for your family
I don’t remember ever thinking, I wish my parents had more time for me. Somehow they balanced work and home life really well. Unfortunately I can’t tell you how, but feel free to ask them, I sure will!
10. Go on family holidays!
One of my favourite memories as a kid was going on family holidays. Something that we did at LEAST once a year if not twice and usually during school time which was even better! (I still got great marks, so parents don’t stress if your kids miss a couple of weeks of school every year) It made us feel special that our parents took time off work for us, they saved their money to spoil us, they played games with us, they taught us new things and took us to new places. But the money part of it wasn’t really a big deal, don’t let money be an excuse! It doesn’t really matter where you go or what you do, you could go camping in the next town, the important thing is that you have fun together as a family with no other distractions. (If possible turn off your phone and the internet during your holiday!)
So there you have it, 10 things that I learnt from my parents about being great parents! There are way more than 10 but these are 10 that have really stuck with me. My parents are my heroes. I hope that I will be the same to my kids.
How I Lost 20 kilograms!
Note: While reading this please keep in mind that I am NOT AN EXPERT ON WEIGHT LOSS. I am just sharing with you my personal experiences and the things that worked FOR ME during the time when I lost 20 kgs.
76 kgs.
I tried so hard to change that number. Believe me, I tried.
And the list goes on…
The thing is, these diets worked, for a while. With both the Atkins Diet and the Cabbage Soup diet I lost 5 kgs in 2 weeks! I was so proud of myself, and totally sick of bacon, cheese & cabbage soup! So I went back to my old eating habits and the 5 kgs went straight back on.
76 kgs again.
In 2007, I visited my uncle who I had always known to be BIG – like 150 kgs BIG, and he had lost 70 kgs!!! I was so amazed and inspired!! I later found out that he did it through the Tony Ferguson Weightloss Program.
6 months later I went home for 3 months and my dad had signed up for the Tony Ferguson Weightloss Program too and had lost 10 kgs! That was it, I was totally inspired and I decided that I’d had enough of fad diets, and this time I was going to be really serious about losing weight and getting healthy.
I didn’t sign up for the program myself as I was only in Oz for 3 months but dad bought me the shakes and we shared the vitamins and supplements needed. Basically on the Tony Ferguson program you replace two meals a day with shakes. So I had one for breakfast & one for lunch. For dinner you can have meat & veggies/salad and for snacks you can eat fruit. You are also allowed to eat as much fat-free jelly as you want which I found to be very satisfying when I was craving something more. You are also encouraged to drink 500 mls of water per 25 kgs that you weigh.
So for 2 months that is literally all I ate. I didn’t cheat – not even once. I drank 1.5 litres of water every day (and went to the toilet about 10 times a day which my call centre boss was NOT HAPPY about).
For the first couple of weeks I was hungry! A shake and a piece of fruit does not fill you up! But you have to push through. If feels like you’re gonna die sometimes (well maybe I’m being a bit dramatic) but I promise you won’t! Your stomach will shrink to the size of whatever you eat. This taught me an important lesson…
Lesson number 1: YOU DON’T HAVE TO EAT EVERYTHING ON YOUR PLATE! It was at this moment that I realised after 23 years, I don’t have to eat everything on my plate!
I think this may be one of the biggest mistakes in regards to obesity that parents make when their children are growing up, it was almost like a recording in my head “Make sure you eat everything on your plate Jade”, “If you don’t eat everything on your plate you can’t leave the table”, “Think of those starving kids in Africa Jade”. I mean, I totally understand the concept behind parents encouraging their kids to eat everything on their plate, and it’s ok, if the portion size that’s on your plate is suitable to your body type/size, but what if it’s not? After leaving home, I never even thought about NOT eating all the food on my plate until this moment.
I was so proud of myself! I actually enjoyed having the shakes because I didn’t have a choice. There was no option of what I could/couldn’t eat. All I could have was a shake. That really helped me to stick to it. Plus I didn’t have to prepare my breakfast and lunch everyday! So easy!
I didn’t exercise at all until the 2nd month, I just focused on my eating habits. In the 2nd month I felt like I was confident enough in myself and ready to add exercise to my daily regime. I’ve never been good with exercise for more than 2 weeks. It SOUNDS good, and it FEELS good when you do it, but there’s just something in you that always makes excuse after excuse for why you shouldn’t exercise! Again, I fought it, I pushed through, and I got into a daily exercise routine with the help of my AMAZING sister Sam who made me an awesome exercise schedule!
Lesson Number 2: EXERCISE AND HEALTHY EATING GO HAND IN HAND
Many times I’d tried one without the other, and it never benefited me long-term. Whenever I would start exercising I would just eat more because I FELT like it, or when I was on my ‘fad diets’ I never felt like exercising (probably because I wasn’t eating a balanced diet!). But this time when I put them both together and put all of my effort into both, it felt so good! I came home from work LOOKING FORWARD to going to the gym! My family was shocked! I believe this was a massive key for my weight loss. For those of you are wondering, I exercised 5 times per week / 1 hour per session. I did cardio for 4 sessions and weights for 1 session. Along with my exercise schedule Sam also wrote me up a measurement sheet and we started to track my progress.
Lesson Number 3: KEEP TRACK OF YOUR PROGRESS ON PAPER
It’s the most rewarding thing to see your progress written down on paper. I measured and weighed myself once a week – and each week I could literally see the kilograms and centimetres coming off in front of my eyes. I would have to say that was probably one of the biggest motivators for me, seeing all the effort that I was putting in bring results!
After 2 months of sheer determination and dedication I decided it was time to start phasing myself off the shakes as I was heading back to Bali the next month. I kept on having 2 shakes per day in the 3rd month but I also started slipping in some other foods besides meat, veggies and fruit such as bread, potato, but I didn’t go overboard, I did however give myself a little treat once in a while and it didn’t hurt!
Lesson Number 4: DON’T DEPRIVE YOURSELF OF THINGS THAT YOU LOVE
I’ve found that if I keep saying NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, my body keeps saying YES, YES, YES, YES, YES and then when you finally ‘give in’, your body says MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE, MORE and it’s very easy to fall back into the old eating habits. After I started phasing off the shakes, I made a decision that I would allow myself to have one day per week where I could treat myself, not go overboard, but eat some of the things that I enjoy eating, IN MODERATION.
After 3 months, I went back to B
ali, I took 30 shakes with me, to have once a day for 1 month. I found it helpful to take it slowly. I ate a very small portion of rice for lunch and no rice at all for dinner (which is near IMPOSSIBLE in Indonesia) for that first month, and also ate a lot of fruit and veggies. After my shakes had run out I basically went back to normal eating (with way less junk food) and tried to eat as little carbohydrates as possible. Within 6 months I had lost 15 kgs and within a year I had lost 18 kgs.
When I returned to Bali, I joined the gym straight away, 5 times a week, 1 hour per day.
Lesson Number 5: CONTINUE TO EXERCISE CONSISTENTLY
I have to admit, that after a year or so, I didn’t stick to my very healthy, hardly any carbs, eating plan. I started to fall back into the bad habits a bit, but one thing that I did keep doing was exercise, and I didn’t put any weight back on. I stayed at 58 kgs for about 2 years. Exercise kept me balanced. Although I wasn’t always eating the best of foods, I was working it off during exercise, so it balanced me out. However if I’d just gone back to my old habits completely – bad eating and no exercise, no doubt I would be right back where I started.
I hear you ask….”So you lost 18 kgs, in the title it says 20??”
I now live in Bali and in November 2010 I went back to Australia for 1 month. I don’t know about you but when you live in another country there is a lot of things from home that you miss – and one of them is the food! I went all out! I didn’t exercise for a whole month and I ate so much junk food it wasn’t funny. I am not proud of myself, but I am human – just because I lost a lot of weight doesn’t mean I don’t have any temptation anymore and sometimes I fall. This was one of those times. I put on 4 kgs in one month!! And in the same month I got measured for my wedding dress. When I returned to Bali I got serious again and lost 6 kgs in the next 4 months and as you can imagine when I went back to Australia again in April 2011 and tried on my wedding dress it literally FELL OFF ME!!! But I didn’t care because I was 56 kgs!!
I HAD FINALLY LOST THE 20 KGS THAT I ALWAYS WANTED TO LOSE!!!
And just in time to marry the most amazing man on the planet!
I totally encourage anyone who is struggling with weight issues not to get discouraged! YOU CAN DO IT!! I totally believe in you! If I can do it, then anyone can!
I won’t lie. It wasn’t easy. It required a lot of commitment, determination & hard work. But I tell you what, I DID IT!
Sometimes it seems impossible, so many times I felt like I just wanted to give up but don’t give up! Push through, be determined, be positive, don’t criticise yourself if you fall, just get up and keep on going.
If you have any questions, or need some encouragement feel free to leave me a comment, would love to hear your story!
Blessed to be a Blessing
I’m not an expert nor am I perfect. I’m still in my twenties so I don’t have a lot of experience. I don’t like big words and my long term memory is really bad. When I was young I wanted to be a flight attendant but that never happened. I don’t have a degree and I’m not sure if I’ll ever get one.
In light of all of those things what I do know is that I AM BLESSED.
There is a lot that I don’t have, a lot that I don’t know, a lot that I can’t do – but why focus on those things when each of us has so much to give? Whether it be our time, smile, stuff we’ve learned from lifes experiences, sharing our triumphs, challenges, talents & abilities or even just lending an ear to someone who needs it.
I believe that it’s all about perspective. Although sometimes it may not seem that way, I CHOOSE to see my life as BLESSED. How do you see your life? Are you grateful for all that you have or are you always complaining about all that you don’t have?
I have the privilege of serving an awesome God, I was born into a wonderful family, I am married to an amazing man, I have beautiful friends, I have had the opportunity to travel to different countries, I have lived in Bali for two years, I have learned a lot from many challenges & problems that I have been through, I have food in my fridge, a mattress on my floor and a roof over my head, I have the ability to love, cry, hug & laugh, I am ALIVE!
That’s why I’ve started this blog. I’ve been blessed with so much and I don’t want to keep it to myself. If I have the opportunity to bless someone else then I don’t want to miss it. Like I said at the beginning I’m no expert and I’m’ definitely not perfect, but what I do have is something to give.
I’m going to commit to writing one blog per week – about a whole heap of different things that will come from experiences in my life, things that I’ve learnt, places that I’ve lived, things that I’ve done, the people around me - the first one will be called ”How I lost 20kgs” so keep your eye out for that one next week.
I pray that this blog blesses you because I know that I am only BLESSED so that I can be a BLESSING.
Jade Tanzil
