Maybe you’ve had a dream but you’ve given up on it. Maybe you once dared to dream, but others laughed at you. Maybe you just don’t believe that your dreams would ever come true, so you don’t bother.

I’ll have to admit, I am a dreamer. From the time when I was young I’ve had all sorts of dreams. Big dreams, small dreams, outrageous dreams, crazy dreams, personal dreams. Some dreams have happened, others have been laughed at, some I have given up on, others I have just let go.

I’m not talking about the dreams that I have while I am sleeping, I’m talking about the dreams that I have when I am wide awake! The visions, the aspirations, the hopes that I can’t get out of my mind.

Where there is no vision, the people perish

Proverbs 29:18 (AMP)

If people don’t dream, nothing will ever change.

Dreams keep me going! Dreams spur me on! Dreams motivate me to become a better person and to do bigger things! When I have a dream, something unexplainable happens inside of me! When I have a dream, things change – in my life and in others lives!

Do you have a dream?

I remember when my best friend and I had a dream to own our very own jet ski. We were 12 at the time and we had a jar which we committed to put $1 in per day in the hope of saving over $10,000. I have to admit that our dream never came true, but we didn’t stop dreaming!

I went to Bali for the first time when I was 16 years old and I had a dream that one day I would live there. I had people around me that encouraged me and supported me in my dream. 8 years later I had the opportunity to live there for 2 years.

I had a dream that I would get married on the side of a cliff overlooking the ocean! It seemed impossible when I was dreaming it but through a series of different events, I had a beautiful wedding at a villa on a cliff overlooking the ocean in Bali!

I have a dream that one day I will raise amazing children and be a great mum!

I have a dream to hold an annual youth conference in Bali where young people all over Bali and Indonesia can come together and be equipped and empowered to live awesome lives! I had a vision of this when I was 18 years old however it still hasn’t happened yet.

Do you have a dream?

To finish I want to leave you with a couple of thoughts on dreams…

1. Everyone has the right to dream – don’t let circumstances or people stop you from dreaming.

2. Surround yourself with people who will encourage and support you in the dreams that you have.

3. If you feel like you’ve failed, don’t stop dreaming. Just get up, dust yourself off and start to dream again.

4. Dream big! The sky is your limit!

5. Don’t give up on your dreams! While some dreams may happen overnight, the majority don’t! (I waited 8 years for one and I’m STILL waiting for others!)

6. Don’t just stop at dreaming – start to take action and see those dreams become reality!

Let go of the past and go for the future. Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you imagined.

Henry David Thoreau

Be blessed! Jade Tanzil

2011 has been a HUGE year for me. Specifically, because I married the man of my dreams! (more blogs to come in 2012 about planning a wedding, DIY wedding decorations etc.)

There are so many things that I am thankful for this year, some of the big ones include; a miracle wedding in my dream location with my amazing family and friends, the fast process of my husband’s provisional visa for Australia without even having the standard phone interview, the ability to be able to finish life in Bali well, move to Australia, find jobs and spend Christmas with my family!

And there are those things that I am constantly thankful for such as my awesome God, both of my phenomenal families (so excited that I have two families now!) and my beautiful, supportive friends.

As I reflect on the past year with such thankfulness in my heart, I also look to the year to come with great expectancy.

I am expectant for what God is going to do in and through my life this year.

I am expectant for the new direction that we are going in during this season of our life in Australia.

I am expectant that we will get great new jobs, meet great new people and find a great place to live.

I am expectant that we will have challenges, trials, temptations and problems.

I am expectant that no matter what happens, we have a God who loves us very much.

So as these next couple of days roll by, why don’t you take a moment to stop and ponder these two questions…

What are you thankful for from the year just gone and what are you expectant for in the year to come?

I love everything about Christmas!! Christmas carols, Christmas trees/decorations, Christmas lights, Christmas food, Christmas time with family and Christmas presents!!!!

It’s so easy these days to forget what Christmas is actually about - it’s easy to get caught up in the lights, the songs, the presents, the Santa’s, the hype, the whole thing and not even once think about the reason for the season to use a cliché.

I LOVE GIVING! I especially love giving Christmas presents because I get to bless others and it reminds me of what Christmas is all about.

CHRISTMAS IS ALL ABOUT GIVING! 

This whole big, crazy, awesome time of year only happens because God GAVE his son Jesus, for us! God was the one who started the whole giving thing and I love that we can celebrate Christmas – Jesus’  birthday – every year, by spending time with family and friends and GIVING to others!

There are so many other things I could say about Christmas, but the main thing that I want to say is…

I pray that you and your families are blessed this Christmas and that you have the opportunity to give to others – whether it be a smile, a meal, your time to listen to someone who needs to talk, a gift or a hug! Also, I hope that you take a moment to reflect on what Christmas is really about - Jesus, an amazing man who GAVE his life for each and everyone of us so that we could be set free.

Love to all. xx

Jade Tanzil

All that is necessary for evil to triumph, is for good men to do nothing. Edmund Burke

Recently, I have heard a lot about a woman named Christine Caine. This is a woman who I have looked up to for many years, I have heard her speak at youth rally’s on many occasions since my early high school years, listen regularly to her podcasts and subscribe to her blog. Every time I hear her speak I am always inspired and encouraged to think about my purpose in life and what I’m doing to make a change in this world today.

In 2008, Christine and her husband, Nick, founded The A21 Campaign, an organization dedicated to addressing the injustice of human trafficking. The A21 Campaign raises awareness, prevents future trafficking, takes legal action, and offers support services to survivors.

I am so blown away by everything that Chris and her team are doing through the A21 campaign, and I wanted to share a little snippet of it with you today. I may not be able to do what they are doing but if I can at least help to raise awareness of this injustice, then that is something.

If you are not sure what human trafficking is you can check out a definition here at the UNODC website.

Some of the stats (focus on Europe):

• Human trafficking is the second largest global organized crime  today, generating approximately 31.6 billion USD each year. Specifically,  trafficking for sexual exploitation generates 27.8 billion USD per year.
• There are 1.39 million victims of commercial sexual servitude worldwide.
• Over 25 percent of sex trafficked victims are trafficked from Southern and Eastern Europe.
• 90% of victims trafficked into the European Union member states will end up in the sex industry.
• Tragically, only 1-2 percent of victims are rescued, and only 1 in 100,000 Europeans involved in trafficking are convicted.

Life for a sex trafficking victim

After a trafficking journey that typically involves deception, rape,  beatings, and constant threats, victims are often forced to live in  confining and unsanitary conditions. Once formally put to work, human  trafficking victims can be forced to service from 40 to 110 customers in  one day. Malnutrition, sleep deprivation, as well as  emotional and physical abuse become part of the day-to-day routine.

In addition to the abuse,  forced abortions and the contraction of STI’s, Hepatitis B and C, and  AIDS are ever looming probabilities. Life for a victim of sex  trafficking is hell on earth.

Check out this video below to see what it’s like to live ‘In Her Shoes’

What does the A21 Campaign do?

The A21 Campaign is comprised of individuals, organizations,  government officials, and people like you who are committed to  abolishing injustice in the 21st century. Their goal is four-fold:

I hope this small insight into the A21 Campaign has opened your eyes a bit more to what is going on in our world today. Most of the information in this article is from the A21 Campaign website. Please check it out for more info and to see what you can to do help. Everyone can play a part in preventing human trafficking whether it’s creating awareness, raising money or volunteering… click here for a list of 21 ways to get involved!

The moment when you just stop and appreciate all the little things in your life.

The things that you don’t even notice every day when you are going about your busy schedule, the things that you assume everyone else in the world has access to such as clean running water, good education, safe roads, transport, food in the cupboard and hot showers.

If you haven’t visited a third world country (or maybe you have but it is a distant memory) you may still be in that stage where you do take a lot of things for granted. I want to encourage you to take 5 minutes per day to just stop, and be thankful for everything that you have, the small things and the big. I do this regularly and I find that it helps me to put life into perspective.

Instead of focusing on the things that you don’t have, why don’t you start being thankful for the things that you do have.

I have travelled to Indonesia, Thailand and Africa and it’s amazing to notice how people living in third world countries appreciate what they have so much more than those that don’t. Although they have so much less, they are grateful for what they do have, and they live their lives to the best of their ability.  They are so much relaxed, they have so much more time for each other and they are essentially happy (personal observations).

We live in such a consumer world, there are always more and more things that we ‘need’ and we never seem to be satisfied. We didn’t even know what an Iphone was 10 years ago let alone think that they were vital to living!

Let’s take a moment to re-focus and remember what life is really about.

Some of the things I am grateful for are; my amazing husband, family and friends who are always there for me, the privilege of living in such a beautiful country with gorgeous beaches, clean running water, hot showers, fresh air and so much more…

What are you grateful for today?

10 things I will miss about Bali:

1. THE PEOPLE! Indonesian people are some of the most beautiful people I have ever met! They are loving, caring, they look after each other, community is central here! You are always welcome at anyone’s house, they love to joke around and have fun, and they’re very laid-back! I will miss my family and my friends SO much! (you know who you are! This also includes my friends here who aren’t Indonesian!)

2. My church - awesome C3 Church Bali!! This is the place where I have spent the majority of my time over the last 2 years, and one of the main reasons why I am in Bali, you will be missed greatly!

3. The memories – A lot of the memorable moments that have happened in my life have happened in Bali, number one being this is where I met and married the love of my life! (don’t know if you can ‘miss’ memories, but it’s my list so I can put on it whatever I want!)

4. The food - Indonesian food is sooooo good! So full of flavour – and you can pretty much get whatever you want, whenever you want it, and did I mention the price!!?? And don’t forget Mama’s (my mother-in-law) cooking!

5. My motorbike!! – $5 petrol per week, don’t get stuck in traffic jams, can whiz around wherever I want, my white and purple spotted helmet!

6. The weather – I have grown to love the hot weather and am not looking forward to winter! Although don’t really like rainy season…

7. Meeting people - I don’t mean meeting random people, but in Bali, I think I have met 10 times more of friends/family from around the world then I usually would in Australia because everyone comes to Bali on holidays!! And Bali is such a ‘small world’, I have met so many people here that are somehow connected to me or my family or know a friend of a friend! It’s amazing the people you meet in Bali!

8. The price - everything is sooooo cheap here! I can get a meal for $1, petrol for 50c/liter, gym for $6/month, rent a small apartment for $60/month, massage for $5/hour, haircut for $3 and the list goes on…

9. Indonesian english - I get so much entertainment out of reading random signs/t-shirts/brochures that are written in Indonesian english!

10. The scenery - Bali is so beautiful! The whole scene changes if you just drive for an hour or so, you could be on the side of the cliff overlooking the ocean, and then in an hours drive be at the bottom of a volcano, in another hour taking in the breathtaking view of the green rice fields, in another hour swimming at the bottom of a waterfall, in another hour snorkelling in crystal clear water!

Well there you have it! I could add about a hundred things to this list but I don’t have the time for that and neither do you! The main thing is I am going to miss this place - I will definitely be back!

How many times have you thought ”But I thought they would change…”?

When you first started getting serious about your partner and started having ‘forever after’ thoughts, did “I don’t really like _________ about my partner but I’m sure I’ll be able to teach/change/nag them into what I want them to be later…” ever run through your mind?

The things that we don’t like about our prospective partner can vary from untidiness to slurping their soup to spending too much money to leaving things until the last minute….the list is endless!! In fact, if you are in a serious relationship at the moment, write down five things that really bug you about your partner.

Are you really prepared to marry this person and live with these issues for the rest of your life? Because, chances are, if they haven’t changed these things before marriage, they probably won’t change after!

I can hear you say, “Jacki – you’re being SO negative!”

Think about it for a minute, when we are meeting, dating and courting, everyone is on their best behaviour. It’s not until after we’re married that we see the other person for who they really are – the good parts and the bad!

When we were holidaying in Fiji, I was interested to notice that the young unmarried girls were slim, trim and terrific, however, most of the ladies who had been married for a short time were quite overweight. When I asked one of them about this, they said,  ”We don’t have to worry about our figure anymore cos we have our man!!” I think a lot of us do the same thing, once we are married we feel free to let it all out, and surprise, surprise, you may not always be happy with what you find!

My darling and I are pastors and have counselled a lot of couples in various situations in life. One of the main statements that often surface is, ”If only THEY would change everything would be ok” and one partner will set out to try and change the other. In fact, this becomes their mission in life! Unfortunately, it doesn’t work and often makes the relationship worse which is why they end up in relationship counselling.

The only person who I can change is me!

I often say that everything that happens in my life is about me becoming a better person – God will use EVERYTHING that happens, as long as I allow Him to shape me and grow me. This means that my attitude to everything in life needs to be what can I learn from this? This applies in my relationships as well. We always seem to be the expert on what is wrong with everyone else but forget to look at ourselves…

There is always going to be something about our partner/spouse that we don’t like

We should definitely talk about it and allow our partner to tell us the things about us that are driving them crazy! My darling is a red head and with that usually comes a short temper. When we were dating I hadn’t seen it at all until I said no to him about something…..well!!!! He took off in his car and wrecked the tyre up the gutter! I come from a family where anger was often used and I didn’t plan to have it in my family so I told Jon I didn’t want to see him anymore. He was distraught and apologised profusely saying it wouldn’t happen again. I gave him another chance and the rest is history!!!! I have not seen him lose his temper like that to this day. Now, when he’s angry, he says, “Boy oh boy!” That’s my sign to give him some space! The moral of that story is to address the issue and don’t think it will change magically.

It is a great habit in any relationship to ‘have a cuppa’ with your partner regularly

Talk about the things that frustrate you about each other. Ask the question, “Have I done anything that annoyed you this week?” and then be ready to listen, receive and make an effort to change. Always use ‘I’ statements (eg. I felt angry when this happened). When you use ‘You’ statements (eg. You made me so angry!) you are directly attacking the other person and they will immediately jump to defend themselves. Most of the time your partner probably didn’t even realise they had done something to upset you and if you use ‘I’ statements, they will probably say, “I didn’t do that did I?” and they will try harder next time. We need to learn to communicate with our partners effectively, not be a nag all the time.

After 30 years, there are still things about Jon that I don’t like!

And I’m sure there are things about me that frustrate him. The key is to remember that it’s not our job to change the other person, it is our job to change ourselves. It’s all about me becoming the best person that I can be and being the best wife that I can be. No-one is perfect, including ourselves, we need to accept our partner/spouse for who they are and give the rest to God.

How did you know that you had found the right person to marry 30 years ago?

Jacki: I was looking for a best friend, someone who would treat me like a princess, someone who loved God and put Him first in all things, someone who was strong and who I could respect. I was always told, “watch how a guy treats his mum because it’s a good indication of how he will treat you!” I also talked to trustworthy and reliable people in my life for their input about Jon – if it was an arranged marriage I would never have married Jon because my parents didn’t think he was good enough for their little girl and he had tooooo many debts!!!! Just as well that I didn’t listen…

And no, I’m not going to give you marriage advice! I’ve only been married 6 months! I need ALL THE ADVICE I CAN GET!

The people who are going to give us marriage advice just celebrated their 30th wedding anniversary on the 31st of October, and those same people happen to be my parents!

So what I’m going to do is have a Q & A style blog, I’ll get the ball rolling with a few questions and if any of you have any questions you want to ask about marriage, feel free to send them through and we’ll see what we can do! (can’t promise they’ll all be answered)

This week, however, my parents are celebrating this huge milestone by having a week holiday, so we’re not going to disturb them, instead, I’m going to write seven thoughts on why I think they made it to 30 years and why they’ll make it another 30!

1. They communicate

My parents TALK! Communication is a major key to the success of any relationship and something my parents remind me of often! COMMUNICATION IS THE KEY! My parents don’t just expect that the other knows what they are thinking. They understand that neither of them are mind readers! And that male and female brains operate in completely different ways. To combat this they communicate regularly. They ask each other regularly - ”How are you? (really)” and ”Did I do anything that annoyed you this week?”

2. They love each other – not just through words, but through actions

It’s easy to say I LOVE YOU, but harder to show it. My parents both know what the other likes and they often come home and surprise them with that thing. For example, dad knows mum loves a certain type of ice cream (which is sometimes really hard to get!), so he will go out of his way to get it every now and then. When dad goes away mum puts notes in his bags encouraging him and telling him how awesome he is! It’s the little things that really make the difference.

3. They don’t ignore the problems

My parents are not perfect, neither is their marriage, which I’m sure we will hear about in the weeks to come. They have problems, as does everyone. The important thing however, is how they handle their problems. And in my opinion they handle them well. They don’t ignore them, sometimes there is a cooling off period that is needed, but they address them as soon as they can, they talk about it together, they are there for each other, they work through them together.

4. They sacrifice their own needs for the other

My parents understand that marriage isn’t all about themselves! It’s not about what they want to get out of it, satisfying their own needs or their own desires, but about giving the other person the best and doing everything they can to meet the others needs! When they focus on themselves, their needs aren’t met but when they focus on each other and make an effort to meet each others needs, their own needs are met.

5. Divorce isn’t an option for them

I have never even heard either of my parents mention the word divorce (in regards to their own marriage). I know that it isn’t an option for them. It’s not even something they would consider no matter what they went through. They are in this forever, there’s no plan B.

6. They are romantic

The romance hasn’t stopped! Dad still gives mum flowers, mum still makes dad’s favourite meals, they still go on dates regularly. This requires effort on their behalf but they have a passion for romance because they understand that it blesses the other person and keeps their marriage alive and exciting!

7. They make time for each other 

Life is busy. There’s not much you can do about that, especially if you want to make a living. Both of my parents work full time, and their jobs are at completely different times, so if they didn’t make time, they would never see each other! They haven’t always both worked full time, but other things also get in the way, a big one of those is kids! My parents always make sure they have at least one half day together per week, just the two of them, where they can spend time and share what’s on their hearts and minds with no distractions!

So there you have it!  I can’t wait to read the wisdom that they’re going to share over the next couple of weeks! Make sure you don’t miss out!

Be blessed, Jade Tanzil

Challenges are inevitable in any decision that I make

Whether I’m deciding to lose weight, spend more time with people or learn a new skill there are always going to be challenges! Why wouldn’t it be the same if I made a decision to not have sex until I was married? I faced many, and I managed to overcome them.

I think peer pressure must be one of the biggest challenges that I faced. My friends didn’t walk around saying “Jade, you MUST have sex,” it’s actually the underlying pressure that is the hardest. The pressure of feeling like I didn’t fit in if I wasn’t doing what everybody else was doing, the pressure of not being able to be a part of some conversations or the pressure of not even being able to understand what my friends were talking about (especially after a big weekend).

Most of it was in my head!

I felt like people were looking at me weird and talking about me behind my back because I didn’t kiss that guy at the party, but in reality, they weren’t! I am grateful that I learnt this early on, it made it so much easier to not give in to ‘peer pressure’. There are always going to be people that talk behind my back, but I’m not talking about them, I’m talking about real friends. The only kind of friends I want to have. Friends that respect ME. Everyone deserves respect. Many of my friends told me that even though they couldn’t make the same decisions I did, they really respected me. They are true friends.

Because I had set boundaries in place (check out part 1 if you missed it) while I was a teenager, that made it so much easier to stick to my decision. I found that most of my challenges came when I was in a serious relationship.

When you are in a serious relationship; you love each other, you plan to have a future together, why not have sex?

For me, it still wasn’t the right time, as much as I wanted to, nothing was set in stone yet. No promises had been made, there was still an unknown factor about the relationship, what if we did break up? I would have lost everything that I had saved for so long!

It’s dangerous to talk about sex when you are in a relationship unless it’s to talk about your commitment and boundaries which is a good idea when you start any relationship.

Conversations about sex only make us want to have sex more (the same goes for watching movies with sex scenes in them together, laying down on the bed together or anything else that may be tempting). I didn’t talk with my husband about sex until 2 months before we got married. And even that was hard! You might think that is a bit extreme, but I’m telling you, it’s the little things that really help to overcome the challenges and it was worth the wait.

About 3 months before I got married I realised I didn’t know anything about sex

And that was the best part! I talked to a close friend of mine to find out if there was anything I needed to know, and yes, I was a little freaked out, but seriously, one of the best parts of waiting until I was married was that I got to explore sex for the first time with my husband, the one that I have committed myself to forever. I knew that he wouldn’t laugh at me, reject me or disrespect me if I did something wrong (not that there is a ‘perfect’ way to have sex), we had fun learning together!! And we have the rest of our lives to continue learning! Things and circumstances will change, we’ll have children, we’ll get older, we’ll have problems, but we get to share all of this together and keep growing together!

It’s not that easy for everyone

Unfortunately this world is full of evil, and that evil includes abuse. Abuse is a horrible thing and I’m so sorry if you have been a victim of it. Your right to choose was stolen from you. It’s not your fault. And there are those that may have already given themselves away for whatever reason and now regret it.

It’s not too late!

No matter what has happened to us or what we’ve done in the past we still have the ability to choose how we are going to live from this day on. I encourage everyone to choose a life of love and respect.

Why? Because you’re worth it.

I want to finish with an extract from the True Love Waits website because I couldn’t have said it better myself:

Sex is much more than just pleasure – it’s an incredible experience of permanent, self-giving love that reflects the love and commitment of marriage. When expressed in this context, it will be one of the greatest joys of your life.

Making the decision to save sex for marriage is one that only you can make. It is a big decision, but it’s not one that you’ll regret. Despite what people say, it is very realistic. Just ask anyone who has made this decision and they’ll tell you that it is possible and it is worth it.

Saving sex for marriage not only respects the true meaning of sex, it respects the essence of who we are as individuals. It helps us protect our own dignity and helps us to see and respect the true beauty and dignity of others.