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Sex – Definitely Worth the Wait! (Part 2)
Challenges are inevitable in any decision that I make
Whether I’m deciding to lose weight, spend more time with people or learn a new skill there are always going to be challenges! Why wouldn’t it be the same if I made a decision to not have sex until I was married? I faced many, and I managed to overcome them.
I think peer pressure must be one of the biggest challenges that I faced. My friends didn’t walk around saying “Jade, you MUST have sex,” it’s actually the underlying pressure that is the hardest. The pressure of feeling like I didn’t fit in if I wasn’t doing what everybody else was doing, the pressure of not being able to be a part of some conversations or the pressure of not even being able to understand what my friends were talking about (especially after a big weekend).
Most of it was in my head!
I felt like people were looking at me weird and talking about me behind my back because I didn’t kiss that guy at the party, but in reality, they weren’t! I am grateful that I learnt this early on, it made it so much easier to not give in to ‘peer pressure’. There are always going to be people that talk behind my back, but I’m not talking about them, I’m talking about real friends. The only kind of friends I want to have. Friends that respect ME. Everyone deserves respect. Many of my friends told me that even though they couldn’t make the same decisions I did, they really respected me. They are true friends.
Because I had set boundaries in place (check out part 1 if you missed it) while I was a teenager, that made it so much easier to stick to my decision. I found that most of my challenges came when I was in a serious relationship.
When you are in a serious relationship; you love each other, you plan to have a future together, why not have sex?
For me, it still wasn’t the right time, as much as I wanted to, nothing was set in stone yet. No promises had been made, there was still an unknown factor about the relationship, what if we did break up? I would have lost everything that I had saved for so long!
It’s dangerous to talk about sex when you are in a relationship unless it’s to talk about your commitment and boundaries which is a good idea when you start any relationship.
Conversations about sex only make us want to have sex more (the same goes for watching movies with sex scenes in them together, laying down on the bed together or anything else that may be tempting). I didn’t talk with my husband about sex until 2 months before we got married. And even that was hard! You might think that is a bit extreme, but I’m telling you, it’s the little things that really help to overcome the challenges and it was worth the wait.
About 3 months before I got married I realised I didn’t know anything about sex
And that was the best part! I talked to a close friend of mine to find out if there was anything I needed to know, and yes, I was a little freaked out, but seriously, one of the best parts of waiting until I was married was that I got to explore sex for the first time with my husband, the one that I have committed myself to forever. I knew that he wouldn’t laugh at me, reject me or disrespect me if I did something wrong (not that there is a ‘perfect’ way to have sex), we had fun learning together!! And we have the rest of our lives to continue learning! Things and circumstances will change, we’ll have children, we’ll get older, we’ll have problems, but we get to share all of this together and keep growing together!
It’s not that easy for everyone
Unfortunately this world is full of evil, and that evil includes abuse. Abuse is a horrible thing and I’m so sorry if you have been a victim of it. Your right to choose was stolen from you. It’s not your fault. And there are those that may have already given themselves away for whatever reason and now regret it.
It’s not too late!
No matter what has happened to us or what we’ve done in the past we still have the ability to choose how we are going to live from this day on. I encourage everyone to choose a life of love and respect.
Why? Because you’re worth it.
I want to finish with an extract from the True Love Waits website because I couldn’t have said it better myself:
Sex is much more than just pleasure – it’s an incredible experience of permanent, self-giving love that reflects the love and commitment of marriage. When expressed in this context, it will be one of the greatest joys of your life.
Making the decision to save sex for marriage is one that only you can make. It is a big decision, but it’s not one that you’ll regret. Despite what people say, it is very realistic. Just ask anyone who has made this decision and they’ll tell you that it is possible and it is worth it.
Saving sex for marriage not only respects the true meaning of sex, it respects the essence of who we are as individuals. It helps us protect our own dignity and helps us to see and respect the true beauty and dignity of others.
Sex – Definitely Worth The Wait! (Part 1)
I waited 25 years to have sex, and I don’t regret a minute of it.
Some of you will laugh, others will call me crazy, some have said that they respect me but they could never do it and there are others that don’t understand why. It wasn’t always easy, but I made a choice, and I’m so glad that I did.
So why did I wait? My number one reason is because God created sex to be inside marriage. You might be thinking, God didn’t create sex!? If he created the world and everything in it, including human beings then he must have created sex, it’s definitely not something that ‘just happened’! Or maybe you don’t even believe in God, that’s ok, please don’t stop reading, sex is still worth the wait.
I am not trying to condemn anyone or make anyone feel guilty, my heart behind writing this blog is to encourage people to think before they make the huge decision of whether they are going to wait until marriage through sharing my personal experiences. I believe sex is worth the wait.
Why? Because you’re worth it.
I am grateful to have had many good influences in my life, especially my parents, who taught me the importance of saving myself until marriage. I hope that I can also make a difference in people’s lives and encourage them to save themselves for marriage too. I’m also blessed to have an amazing husband who never pressured me to have sex while we were dating, he loved me enough to wait.
Why not?
There are plenty of practical reasons why not including unplanned pregnancy and sexually transmitted infections/diseases but I think the biggest reason is emotional.
There is an emotional bond that is formed during sex. I watched a DVD when I was in high school of a woman called Jeannie Mayo. She was talking about sex before marriage and I always remember the illustration she gave (in my own words).
If you put sticky tape on a piece of paper and then rip it off, it leaves traces of paper on the sticky tape. And then if you put that same piece of sticky tape on some clothes and rip it off, there are now traces of fluff on it to add to the paper. Eventually the sticky tape has all sorts of different things stuck to it that are impossible to get off.
Having sex has the same effect. Every time we have sex, we are joining ourselves together with another person, and if it’s outside of marriage then eventually we leave, or breakup or whatever happens, and there is always an emotional part of us and that person that is stuck together that we can never get rid of and will often cause problems down the track.
Why do we have sex outside of marriage? Usually because we’re looking for love. The act of sex will not ultimately fulfill you. Yes, it will make you feel good for a while, but you will be left longing for something deeper, something more permanent.
For me, the main reason that I waited was that I wanted to give the best possible wedding gift to my husband. What better gift to give on your wedding night then the gift of yourself? Even though I had no idea who my husband would be when I made this decision, I wanted to save myself for him. When I finally did get married, my husband was so grateful, so blessed, so overwhelmed that I would save myself for him and in return I was grateful, blessed and overwhelmed! It is truly the greatest way to say I LOVE YOU.
How is it even possible to wait that long?
It’s a choice. Just like everything else in life. We can let our bodies, our emotions or our friends control us or we can make a choice and be in control. I made a choice that I wasn’t going to have sex until I was married.
Was it easy? No way!
I’m a human too, I have feelings and my body has needs. There were times when I wanted to have sex, but I stood strong in the decision that I had made.
How?
As well as making a choice I also had to put boundaries in place in my life to stay away from temptation as much as possible.
Some of the boundaries I had were:
Our weaknesses will also determine what sort of boundaries we put into place. If we know that hugging a guy/girl turns us on, then one of our boundaries will be to not hug guys/girls! You might think that sounds silly, but it’s the small things that usually get us in trouble! It sounds simple in theory, but it is hard to do.
TRUST ME, it is SO worth the wait! Make sure you check out next weeks blog for the 2nd half of this article which will include challenges I faced, why it’s not too late for anyone and what’s so good about sex within marriage!
