10 things I learnt from my parents about how to be great parents!

I am SO BLESSED to have such amazing parents! They are not perfect, no-one is. But they did everything they could to be the best parents possible for their 4 daughters (and many other adopted children that have been a part of our family over time). People often ask them how they got such amazing kids! I’m pretty sure it didn’t just happen, but it was the result of the kind of parents that they chose to be. This week I want to share with you some of the things I believe made them great parents while we were growing up (in random order).

 1. Be Consistent

My parents were consistent in many areas but two areas I want to highlight are ‘life’ and ‘discipline’. By ‘life’ I mean they lived what they said. They lived with integrity. They lived what they believed. And in my parents case, they believe in God. They didn’t just talk about God but they lived it out. They were committed to go to church every Sunday (I could count on one hand the number of Sundays they missed in my lifetime), they loved God and loved people. They didn’t say one thing and then do another. When it came to discipline, they were both on the same page, one of them wasn’t weak and the other strong but they both disciplined us consistently in the way that they had decided together.

2. Don’t argue in front of your kids

When I was growing up I cannot remember my parents arguing. They did their best to keep their problems just that, ‘their’ problems. Kids don’t need to see parents yelling, blaming, angry and upset with each other, if they do, they will probably copy it.

3. Trust your kids

My parents didn’t always trust my friends or other people around me, and I could understand why, but they did trust ME to make my own decisions. They let me go to parties where they knew there would be alcohol and other things but they trusted that I would do the right thing. It can’t be easy as a parent to do this, especially if you have to watch your child make a bad decision and then live with the consequences but it is all a part of a person’s learning process. From what I have seen from friends of mine and other families, if parents always try to protect their kids by not letting them do anything or go anywhere, it often leads to rebellion.

4. Encourage your kids to follow their dreams

People often ask me “What do your parents think about you living in another country”, I always reply “My parents are my biggest supporters!” Not just in this, but in everything that I have wanted to do – get a job when I was 13, go on a missions trip when I was 15, go to Bible College when I was 18, live in Bali, marry an Indonesian! Don’t get me wrong, they give me their advice if they think it’s not the wisest thing for me to do, but if after I’ve considered their advice and then still want to do it, they support me completely. I feel like I can do anything because my parents believe in ME!

5. Be Generous

My parents are the most generous people I know and I want to be just like them. They never hesitate to take people into their home if needed, they bought my friend glasses one time because he couldn’t afford it, my dad randomly pays for the person’s groceries behind him in the supermarket line, my mum gives her time to listen to people and love on them. They’re not rich, but what they do have, they happily give away.

6. Don’t give your kids everything on a silver platter

We weren’t spoilt kids. We had what we needed, but not much more than that. When I turned 13 and started wanting to be ’cool’ (and at that time that meant owning surf brand clothes) there is no way that my mum was going to fork out the money for that. But what she did do was encourage me to get a job, save my money, and buy it myself. And that’s exactly what I did. It taught me to appreciate what I had so much more because I was the one paying for it.

7. Love each other

I never doubted that my parents loved each other. They told each other regularly in front of us. They held hands. They hugged and kissed (ewww). Dad did the washing. Mum made his favourite desserts. It made me feel safe, secure and trust them even more.

8. Always care, even if your kids don’t

When I came home from school each day mum would ask “How was your day?” My answer “Good”. And then I would go to my room. And I never gave her any more information. But mum never stopped asking. My parents always cared about me, my day, my friends, all the little things as well as the big. They were interested in ME. I never had to question if I was valued or loved.

9. Always make time for your family

I don’t remember ever thinking, I wish my parents had more time for me. Somehow they balanced work and home life really well. Unfortunately I can’t tell you how, but feel free to ask them, I sure will!

10. Go on family holidays!

One of my favourite memories as a kid was going on family holidays. Something that we did at LEAST once a year if not twice and usually during school time which was even better! (I still got great marks, so parents don’t stress if your kids miss a couple of weeks of school every year) It made us feel special that our parents took time off work for us, they saved their money to spoil us, they played games with us, they taught us new things and took us to new places. But the money part of it wasn’t really a big deal, don’t let money be an excuse! It doesn’t really matter where you go or what you do, you could go camping in the next town, the important thing is that you have fun together as a family with no other distractions. (If possible turn off your phone and the internet during your holiday!)

So there you have it, 10 things that I learnt from my parents about being great parents! There are way more than 10 but these are 10 that have really stuck with me. My parents are my heroes. I hope that I will be the same to my kids.