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Sex – Definitely Worth the Wait! (Part 2)
Challenges are inevitable in any decision that I make
Whether I’m deciding to lose weight, spend more time with people or learn a new skill there are always going to be challenges! Why wouldn’t it be the same if I made a decision to not have sex until I was married? I faced many, and I managed to overcome them.
I think peer pressure must be one of the biggest challenges that I faced. My friends didn’t walk around saying “Jade, you MUST have sex,” it’s actually the underlying pressure that is the hardest. The pressure of feeling like I didn’t fit in if I wasn’t doing what everybody else was doing, the pressure of not being able to be a part of some conversations or the pressure of not even being able to understand what my friends were talking about (especially after a big weekend).
Most of it was in my head!
I felt like people were looking at me weird and talking about me behind my back because I didn’t kiss that guy at the party, but in reality, they weren’t! I am grateful that I learnt this early on, it made it so much easier to not give in to ‘peer pressure’. There are always going to be people that talk behind my back, but I’m not talking about them, I’m talking about real friends. The only kind of friends I want to have. Friends that respect ME. Everyone deserves respect. Many of my friends told me that even though they couldn’t make the same decisions I did, they really respected me. They are true friends.
Because I had set boundaries in place (check out part 1 if you missed it) while I was a teenager, that made it so much easier to stick to my decision. I found that most of my challenges came when I was in a serious relationship.
When you are in a serious relationship; you love each other, you plan to have a future together, why not have sex?
For me, it still wasn’t the right time, as much as I wanted to, nothing was set in stone yet. No promises had been made, there was still an unknown factor about the relationship, what if we did break up? I would have lost everything that I had saved for so long!
It’s dangerous to talk about sex when you are in a relationship unless it’s to talk about your commitment and boundaries which is a good idea when you start any relationship.
Conversations about sex only make us want to have sex more (the same goes for watching movies with sex scenes in them together, laying down on the bed together or anything else that may be tempting). I didn’t talk with my husband about sex until 2 months before we got married. And even that was hard! You might think that is a bit extreme, but I’m telling you, it’s the little things that really help to overcome the challenges and it was worth the wait.
About 3 months before I got married I realised I didn’t know anything about sex
And that was the best part! I talked to a close friend of mine to find out if there was anything I needed to know, and yes, I was a little freaked out, but seriously, one of the best parts of waiting until I was married was that I got to explore sex for the first time with my husband, the one that I have committed myself to forever. I knew that he wouldn’t laugh at me, reject me or disrespect me if I did something wrong (not that there is a ‘perfect’ way to have sex), we had fun learning together!! And we have the rest of our lives to continue learning! Things and circumstances will change, we’ll have children, we’ll get older, we’ll have problems, but we get to share all of this together and keep growing together!
It’s not that easy for everyone
Unfortunately this world is full of evil, and that evil includes abuse. Abuse is a horrible thing and I’m so sorry if you have been a victim of it. Your right to choose was stolen from you. It’s not your fault. And there are those that may have already given themselves away for whatever reason and now regret it.
It’s not too late!
No matter what has happened to us or what we’ve done in the past we still have the ability to choose how we are going to live from this day on. I encourage everyone to choose a life of love and respect.
Why? Because you’re worth it.
I want to finish with an extract from the True Love Waits website because I couldn’t have said it better myself:
Sex is much more than just pleasure – it’s an incredible experience of permanent, self-giving love that reflects the love and commitment of marriage. When expressed in this context, it will be one of the greatest joys of your life.
Making the decision to save sex for marriage is one that only you can make. It is a big decision, but it’s not one that you’ll regret. Despite what people say, it is very realistic. Just ask anyone who has made this decision and they’ll tell you that it is possible and it is worth it.
Saving sex for marriage not only respects the true meaning of sex, it respects the essence of who we are as individuals. It helps us protect our own dignity and helps us to see and respect the true beauty and dignity of others.
